I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
