Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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