it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
