If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
