Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
