I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
