My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
