I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
