Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
