your thong is hanging out like whoa
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Alive.
So much puke
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
