im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
