Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
