I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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