I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
