peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
