I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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