dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
