Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
