and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
