U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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