I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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