hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So much rum. So many feels.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
