I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
