i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
two words: eviction party
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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