I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
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Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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