Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
