im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Randomize
