hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ugly people sure do ruin things
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
