and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i jhust puked up my retainher.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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