Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
