I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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