she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
