O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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