I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
