Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
