i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
