Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
