so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Drunk is a universal language darling
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
