the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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