I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
