my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
