Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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