I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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