is this the sara with the beer cane?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
