we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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