I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
