I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
