i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
