I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
