wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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