Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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