Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
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She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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