Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
