I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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