you win again, gameday.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
