I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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