I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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