In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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