Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
