when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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