How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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