going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
