he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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