In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize